Today is my birthday

I have now reached 24. Today is my 24th birthday and despite how genuinely happy and content I am with my life when I woke up this morning I definitely felt something else. For the past couple of days I've been fighting a nasty cold and haven't really seen much of an improvement. This is just one reason why I'm slightly hesitant about today. I have to be honest, due to my childhood and my mother's half-assed attempts at being a Jehovah's Witness for several years, birthdays were forbidden and always sour... much like all the other occasions and holidays that I wanted to celebrate like all my friends and classmates. That's right. Their definition as to why celebrations were forbidden always dictated the day and the apprehension and disappointment always made it true. Family fights, feelings of disappointment and being unloved, and the pure disaster of the day meant I never had anything to look forward to. As I became older this of course gradually changed and my mother became a born-again Christian. Suffice to say though that a comprehensive 15+ years of memories still sting and burn my skin each year that I celebrate a birthday. Maybe this year has been the only year that I've been honest about it. While I have no problems whatsoever being part of or celebrating any other person's birthday, the idea of accepting celebrating something for myself without doubt is just impossible at this time.

Last night when Ørjan and I were turning down to bed he tried kissing me and wishing me a happy birthday but I just turned my head as if I was not interested in his affection. He knows how I feel about my birthday but it was still no excuse for being so cold. I've been awake for a couple of hours (maybe due to my cold, but probably due to my apprehension) thinking about what this day could be. In all actuality the weather has improved (VG sier at vi sku ha fint vær denne helgen) and I can see the sun breaking through the clouds over the mountain, I have a wonderful family to celebrate it with, and I don't have to deal with the pressures of other family members or throwing a birthday party. I was slightly pressured by my mother-in-law to do something but come on! Ørjan and I wanted to do something more private this year (his 34th birthday is in two days) for our birthdays and don't feel as if we need something elaborate. It's not exactly an "It's my party and I'll cry if I want to" situation but rather a step in the right direction of actually taking control and power over a day that belongs to us and no one else.

I did make myself a promise though - At least one glass of wine. I have only had one glass of wine since June 2006 and today so we shall see how this goes down. Literally. I'm still breastfeeding Sophie exclusively but I don't think one glass of wine before bed will do too much harm. I hope. I've never had to pump and she's never had a bottle so she'll just have to forgive me if she doesn't like her midnight meal.

So in a nutshell, that's how I physically feel about today and my birthdays in general. Of course it's still early (not even 7am) and the day could totally pull me into another surprising direction, but I find it very unlikely. At 24 I am extremely happy, but celebrating my 24th birthday is an entirely different matter in my universe.

3 years

Yesterday was our 3-year wedding anniversary. Since we were both so exhausted (and had done some celebrating in Prague) this year was a simple affair. It didn't mean that it wasn't good... because it was. Needless to say 3 years of marriage and 2 kids later hasn't touched the passion one bit. Dinner, desert, and a little surprise at the end of the night was perfect. Even Magnus seemed to like my more grown-up romanitc dinner for 2. I made a little extra thinking I would have some leftovers for lunch today but there's hardly anything left!

It's going on 7 years that we've been together. How and when did this happen? Ørjan and I never had the chance to know eachother during youth, but I can say without a doubt that we've definitely grown up together since we met. So much has happened since then that I couldn't imagine a life without him. Sometimes before we go to bed I actually say, "You can't die before me" because I worry so much although I know it doesn't help anything.

I love my husband. He's a good man, a wonderful husband (and bestfriend), and a fantastic father.

A tiny update

Prague has been wonderful. The weather has kind of sucked so I haven't taken too many photos. I can't believe we leave tomorrow morning. A week was too little. At least we spent this time relaxing and we avoided most of the tourists.

More later.

Wanderlust PT.2

Ahhh... thank goodness for wireless in our hotel room. It's even more wonderful than a hot shower after two hot and sticky days. It took me half the day to shake off the feeling of the motion of the train. After 14 hours from Mo i Rana to Oslo I almost fell over at one point while changing Magnus' diaper. At 6:30 this morning we walked off the platform, ate breakfast, stored our luggage, and then took on the city. We went to House of Oslo to kill a few hours, made it to IKEA for some brief shopping, and even managed to walk around the city for as long as we could. Just imagine if you will two small ones (Magnus is 17 months and Sophie is 5 months) coming off the train at 6am and only napping for 1-2 hours at IKEA while we waited for the shuttle bus. They did so well and we were so proud of them. It was a long and exhausting day for everyone, but we achieved most of what we wanted. I wasn't able to hit many of the stores I wanted to at House of Oslo but I did however pick up a few steals at Åhléns. Items were 50%-70% off! I knew I couldn't buy too much because I want to keep the weight of our suitcases minimal for our departure to Prague tomorrow. IKEA was a complete success! We ordered our kitchen (Nexus gulbrun), ordered our bed in mellombrun (I was so disappointed that they didn't have the Hemnes bed I really wanted!), and even managed to sit down to a satisfying lunch. I was so proud of Magnus since he ate around 80% of this kidsmeal of meatballs. I ordered what I always order - IKEA's take on falafel and couscous.

I should really get some sleep. We have to get up early and get to the station and take the express train to the airport for our 11am flight. I can't wait to get to Prague. We really need this vacation. An added plus that had completely lapsed is that we have half a day both next Friday and Saturday to shop in Oslo. I can't wait to come back and hit up the shops I missed today.

Despite the wonder that is technology and free wireless, I am choosing to refrain from net usage while on vacation if I can manage it. This means my posting will resume when we return to Oslo next week. See everyone later!

Wanderlust PT.1

VACATION!!! (Yes, I am this excited!)

There are a million things we still need to do but I'm still on top of it all. Everything has been confirmed and double-checked, our checklists are being completed, and the only thing we really need to worry about are those last minute details. Ørjan's mum will be taking our cat for the week, I have everything ready for the kids, and I'm actually for leaving our technology behind or keeping it turned off. We only have 6 days and 5 nights in Prague and I want to enjoy it since we haven't been there for a couple of years.

We're taking the train from Mo Friday afternoon and will be overnighting in Oslo, and our flight leaves for Prague Sunday morning. I cannot wait to get out of here. I need some shopping, culture, and to be in a place where we can be alone as a family. This city is very special for both Ørjan and I and now we have our children experiencing it with us. Of course taking two young children along might be insane, but that's life.

Hopefully I'll have time to post something before I leave because I have so much to say but have so little time. For those of you that read this I should be back next Monday. (Og du, ja, jeg vet at du er tilbake. Hvorfor sier du ingenting?)

It took me 24 years to get this far...

In 23 days I will be 24 years old. 24. Wow. My life at 24 is not what I expected but then again I had never really put much thought into who I would be as an adult. I am a woman that is filled with pride, integrity, and courage. I love without hesitation and have found that the best decisions I've made have only come when I have learned to let go of any fear or insecurity I may have had. At 24 I'm still learning about the person I am and who I will be and I've also learned and developed stronger values and beliefs. My main focus is no longer work or possible future fortune, but it has completely shifted to my family (mainly my 2 wonderful children) and home. Although these are my main focus they do not define me as a person. Infact, I'm still not completely sure of who I am but I am confident that I have a clear picture of this girl and it's completely sufficient. My career has somewhat shifted into a new direction and I couldn't be happier about it. I'm still maintaining my web and designs skills but have pushed forward with my main passion - FOOD! I cook, bake, eat, sleep, and breathe food. As my delicious treats become increasingly popular and heavily desired I have no doubt in my mind that I am doing the right thing.

At 24 my life is full of ________. I still can't complete this sentence because I still can't find an appropriate word that could possibly describe all that I am feeling. I just know that as I enter my 24th year I am confident that the next cycle of my life can only get better with time. I am married to a wonderful man that can easily seduce me with his stamp and coin collections, I have two wonderful children that bring me so much pride and joy, and I live in a place that I love and truly embrace now. Life finally feels good. I remember only 7 years ago I was writing about how depressed and angry I was and sometimes I wish I could just hold that girl's hand and tell her that patience would be the key to her happiness.

What more can I say? My life finally feels right and for once I think it fits. I take the time to live, laugh, and love and appreciate and respect all these components equally. I have worked physically and mentally hard to get to this point and now I finally have the opportunity to enjoy it. At 24 I am no longer a tourist.